i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
