I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
