listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
