I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
