I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
