oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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