I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
