my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
