i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
