Please don't use social media to get back at me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
