God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
