Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
