I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
vagina is talking i cant
you will always have a special place in my vag
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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