Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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