To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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