i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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