remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
