Sry I called you an 8
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
