I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
