I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
