Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The beer is more important than you right now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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