Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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