2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
