I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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