Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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