Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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