Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
