I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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