I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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