I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
