Apparently you make a good broom.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
