trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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