First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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