New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
