He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
