OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
