I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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