Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
