I think I won the penis lottery.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
