dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
