Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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