I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
