ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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