I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
