thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
