You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
