So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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