i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
vagina is talking i cant
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
