About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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