She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
