Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
