he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
